?

Log in

Night, the Beloved Chapter Five

Apr. 5th, 2010 | 05:22 pm

Author's Note: Sorry for the long wait everyone! I've been super busy with school and stuff so I hope you don't mind the wait for the chapter, enjoy!


Chapter Five – Sweet Dispositions

And while our blood's still young
It's so young, it runs
And won't stop til it's over
Won't stop to surrender

Songs of desperation
I played them for you
A moment of love...


Sweet Disposition – The Temper Trap


God, he's so pretty, I thought to myself as my camera flashed, revealing Aoi's perfect features.
He grinned at me after I lowered the camera and gave me a tiny wink before turning his face into that perfect mask of beauty.

I wanted him. I watched him bite his lip sexily for the camera, his eyes dark and unreadable as always. I wanted him for myself, I wanted him to want me, that was my sin...I wanted...

I knew I wasn't ugly. I wasn't a model by any means but I was moderately pretty, maybe even good enough. I took a few more photos then Kai moved over to take Aoi's place, the two of them playfully teasing one another and making me smile.

After a moment of photo taking I noticed Aoi standing awkwardly behind me.

“Would you like to stand over here?” I asked, “Or even sit? You could get a better view of what I'm doing over here.”

I honestly didn't care what he was doing, I wanted him close to me. I wanted to feel the muscles of his back and wrap my arms around him like we had been on his motorcycle. I shook my head, berating myself for being such a fool, there was no way any of this was even close to being possible.

Next was Uruha, with a face so beautiful, and yet seemed like an ice queen. He glanced at me coldly and the camera bulbs flashed blindingly again.

“You're very pretty Uruha san.” I said softly, smiling up at him in the hopes that he would melt somehow, and like me.

He glanced over, brushing aside his blonde hair, “Thank you.” he said in that same icy tone.

Sighing I stood and turned the camera off, Aoi staring with the same dark eyed stare that he always seemed to fix upon me.


“Um, what about my portrait and the group shot?” Ruki asked softly.

“Oh...I said softly, “Oh. Right, I'm so sorry Ruki-sama. May I continue this tomorrow?”

He gave me a strangely quizzical look, then shrugged, “Sure, I don't see why not.”

I bowed, making sure I looked feminine, and mumbled a thank you.

The band disintegrated into several different directions and Aoi stared at me, a quick smile fluttering on his lips.

“What?” I asked, pulling down the tripod and camera and inserting them into separate bags. My hands shook slightly as I pulled up the zipper and I sighed irritably.

“Would you like me to take you home? The subway might be a bit uncomfortable for you this late.”

“I'm perfectly capable of caring for myself thanks.” I snapped back rudely.

Aoi seemed taken aback for a moment, then shrugged, “If you say so.”

The soft flower of guilt opened its petals in my chest and I turned to him bowing at a ninety degree angle.

“I'm so sorry Aoi-san.”

He inclined his head slightly and nodded, “I forgive you Ivory-san.”

“I'm sorry,” I said again, “I don't seem to be making much of an impression on either you or your bandmates.”

Now, he looked awkward, almost ashamed, “Please, do not mind Uruha-san...he's...very...”

He fell silent, unable to think of an excuse for his friend and I felt bad for making him.

“Either way,” I said, unable to stop myself, “I'm not very sure he likes me. I wish I knew why though...”

“I like you.” he said softly.

Then, his face flushed as if he was incredibly embarrassed.

“I'm sorry.” Aoi said gently, “I didn't think before I spoke.”

“I like you too Aoi-san!” I said smiling.

He advanced closer now, and I couldn't help but step backwards my heart pounding as panic set into my chest. I wasn't ready for this now, and I cursed myself for it.
His lips were close to mine, and the scent of menthol filled my nostrils.

God...I wanted it though, wanted to feel his lips on mine, I wanted to give into that kiss.

His eyes were dark and passionate and I lifted my lips to briefly touch his own. My heart fluttered in my chest and beat soundly in my ears.

The touch of our lips together was seemingly electrifying and Aoi jumped backwards, nearly pushing me into my tripod.

However a moment later I realized it was not merely the power of our kiss that had put Aoi in such a frenzy.

Kai stood staring at us both through the open door, his mouth agape.

A sheet of music fluttered in his grasp and he continued to open his mouth and close it unaware of what to do or say.

Aoi's fists however were clenching and unclenching with startling speed and his breathing seemed fast.

Then, he turned and followed Kai out the door, and the two of them began to speak in hasty japanese.

I shook my head miserably, not wanting to listen in on more terrible things about me.

I continued folding my tripod, unable to stop thinking of the feeling of that kiss.

Why? I wondered Why did he do that? What unearthly force had possessed him to kiss me? I had always heard that the Japanese viewed kissing as an act of foreplay, of sex.

But what about Aoi? Was he that way, why had he kissed me?

The questioned burned in my brain and I groaned, angry at both Aoi and even more so at myself.

Once I had finished packing everything up I stepped outside, relieved that I had not interrupted anything.

Kai stood at the edge if the door and Aoi had disappeared from view.

“Ivory-san!” he said kindly, “Aoi-san had things to attend to so may I have the pleasure to escort you home?”

I sighed, honestly wanting to talk to Aoi more but then nodded. “Of course Kai-san” I said bowing, “Thank you.”

Link | Leave a comment {3} | Share


Night, the Beloved Chapter Four

Jan. 23rd, 2010 | 01:16 am

Chapter Four – Secrets



Our road is long
Your hold is strong
Please don't ever let go

I know I don't know you
But I want you so bad
Everyone has a secret
But can they keep it
Oh No they can't...

Secret – Maroon 5




Instead of going to eat lunch I headed back to the sanctity of my own home. The ride on the subway was nerve wracking as I sat there wondering, wondering how Uruha knew my trip to Japan was not only for career help.

My doctor had said that this trip would help, not make me worry more.

After a few moments I reached my home, sighing I put my camera down and rushed to the cabinet where I pulled out a prescription bottle of Buspar, my anti-anxiety drug.

I had generalized anxiety disorder, I'm sure to most people it didn't sound like much but to me it was my own personal version of hell.

To say it in plain english I was a compulsive worrier.

I worried all the time, about everything, be it my neighbors fighting (which I always thought might lead to my own demise due to their penchant for guns) or even my less than perfect family.

Sometimes though, the worries got bad, really bad.

They made me want to stay in bed and browse the internet constantly, trying to focus on anything than what was going on in my thoughts.

That was why, finally my doctor had recommended that I appease my job for a raise and an assignment abroad. I trusted him, so I did what he told me to...and now I was in Tokyo.

I shook my head trying to rid myself of the thoughts as I filled a glass of water then downed two of the pills trying to rid myself of my worries.

However, Uruha's words rang in my head like a broken record. I began to compulsively wash the dishes, trying in vain to rid my mind of the worries.

As I was trying to place the last few cups up in the cabinet a knock on the door startled me.

Shrugging I set the glass back down on the counter and went to go and answer the door.

To my surprise it was Aoi, who bowed as soon as he saw me, holding a tightly wrapped bundle in his hands.

“Aoi-san!” I said mildly, returning his bow, “Am I already late for my return back to the studio?”

He smiled and shook his head, “No, no.”

I let him inside and smiled mildly as I watched him remove his shoes before stepping into the house.

After a moment he stood again and bowed, holding out the package, “Please accept this insignificant gift.” he murmured.

I swallowed as he went through the ritual of japanese gift giving, “No, no, I couldn't.” I said, remembering that it was polite to refuse at least once or twice.

He looked surprised, then shrugged, “I know you're going to accept this anyway.”

I blinked, then laughed, taking the gift in my hands and setting it on the dining table.

In my haste, I accidentally knocked over the prescription bottle sending it clattering to the floor. Aoi gently reached down and placed it back on the table.

“I hope you're not in ill health Ivory-san?”

I shook my head, rushing to the kitchen to put away the bottle, and thankfully Aoi didn't press the matter any further.
He sat down at the table and sighed, “I got your address from the manager. I actually dropped by to make sure that you were alright. You seemed a little hurt when you left.”

I shook my head, “No, no. Its alright.

“Uruha-san is a gentle man.” He continued, “I'm sure he wasn't intending to harbor any bad feelings between you and our band.”

I understand,” I said smiling, “He cares for you all. I don't think he wants any of you to be screwed over. But, I promise, I'm going to work hard for you guys okay?”

He smiled, “I'm sure. Let me take you back to the studio at the very least.”

I sighed, then smiled, “Oh...alright.”

When we walked outside there was a black motorcycle that was parked outside amidst all of the cars.

“Please do not tell me that that's yours.” I groaned pointing at it.

He smirked, “Then I won't.”

My heart began to pound and I began wildly imagining my oncoming death...mushed between truck wheels.

“It'll be okay.” he said gently as we stopped in front of the bike. I stared at my own reflection through its glossiness.

He straddled the bike after a moment and I did the same, feeling myself slide uncomfortably close to him.

He busied himself for a moment shifting himself on the seat and I flushed, remembering that it was considered impolite to be so close to him. Perhaps I was making him nervous.

After a few minutes he started the bike. It roared in my ears and I shuddered mildly.

The speed of it hit me in a gust of wind and unconsciously I squeezed his waist, pressing my face against the fabric of his shirt.

Even through my fear, I couldn't help but notice how good he smelled, like something rich and masculine.

After a while we stopped at a red light and he sighed, “Are you okay?”

I blinked up at him, and flushed, noticing my hands were still in a death grip around his waist.

I'm fine...I've just never ridden a motorcycle before.

He smiled at me over his shoulder, “So I see.”

We started going again and after a few minutes we reached the studio. Aoi parked his bike near the entrance and pulled the keys out of the ignition.

“Did you have fun?” he asked, swinging himself off the bike and grinning at me.

I shook my head, “That was terrifying!

He laughed gently, shoulders shaking. “Perhaps I'll pick you up in a car next time hmm?”

There would be a next time? I laughed, “Please do.”

Everything went quiet for a moment and I sighed. Aoi's eyes were darkly playful and I couldn't help but notice his hand was very close to my own. He lifted it after a moment, running his fingers over his lips. I bit my tongue and willed myself not to kiss him.

Suddenly Sakai stepped outside and cleared his throat awkwardly, “Aoi-san...we...need you to look over some of the guitar tracks. Uruha-san doesn't like the way they sound.”

Aoi inclined his head mildly and left. I slid off his bike and followed Aoi quietly, wondering if Sakai had seen the same thing Aoi's eyes as I had.



A/N: Sorry this chapter took so long to post up. I've been very busy as of late and I hope to have the next chapter up as soon as I can!

Link | Leave a comment {5} | Share


Night, the Beloved Chapter Three

Jan. 3rd, 2010 | 07:42 pm

Chapter Three - Knowing


She says she's ashamed
And can she take me for awhile
And can I be a friend, we'll forget the past
But maybe I'm not able
...
Til I break at the bend
It's too far away for me to hold
It's too far away...

Shimmer - Fuel


I opened my eyes blearily, my face smothered in the soft fabric of my pillow. I stared up at the bumps on the ceiling, until I could easily see faces in them. Yawning, I rolled over and snuggled deeper into my

Next to me I felt a slight vibration, groaning I reached for my phone, and answered it without looking at the caller ID.

Hello,” I muttered.

The voice on the phone sounded almost angry, while still holding that air of politeness that was so common in Japan. “Ivory-san, you're late. Where are you?”

After a moment I realized it was Sakai, the band's manager. I had spoken to him many times before over the phone.

And then I remembered, today was the personal photographing session for one of their music videos, the shoot that would totally reveal the band's musical genius. The shoot that I hoped to work the hardest on and place the most emphasis on.

Now, my biggest career opportunity was halfway over and I wasn't even out of bed yet.

I listened quietly while the manager politely chastised me about how he and the PS Company had gone out of their way in hiring an American intern photographer. Somehow, his odd politeness made me feel even more guilty. I must have been making a terrible impression so far.

I pulled the comforter off my body, and sighed, “Do you still need me to photograph the music video?”

He sighed and told me that it was already completed.

“Would you like me to come in and photograph other things?” I offered, wanting to feel useful. “I'm good at improvisation.”

“Please do,” he said, “Can you try and be at our studio in an hour?”

“Yes,” I said, “Thank you Sakai-sama.”

For the next thirty minutes I dressed and showered quickly, smoothing out my slacks as I walked out the door.

About fifteen minutes later the subway pulled to a stop mere feet away from the studio building that GazettE recorded most of their albums. I stepped onto the platform and walked out of the the station where the building was across the street. I flushed, embarrassed as I spotted Sakai waiting for me in front of the building.

I was astounded by the both the building's height and the sheer modernity of it. It was solid glass and almost seemed to glow, after a moment I turned back to Sakai.

He smiled at me however and we bowed. I took care to bow like Aoi had taught me.

Sakai led me silently to their recording room and I walked inside, expecting to see five angry faces staring at me.

But, like the day before they didn't pay much attention to me. Almost instantly my eyes flickered to Aoi, who was listening carefully to a guitar track on a laptop.

I lifted up my camera which dangled around my neck and took a quick photo of him, grinning to myself.

I was surprised that they all remained oblivious to the flash, but then again they were probably used to cameras being shoved in their faces.

After a few moments of silence, I began to feel uncomfortable, rocking back and forth on the balls of my feet.

Four out of the five looked merely disinterested, while I forced myself to turn to Uruha, who looked at me as if I were some type of mangy animal.

Although he didn't say anything, his dislike of me was evident enough.

However, I tried to ignore the glances that were shot my way and I continued to flash my camera, thinking that it was best to think of Uruha's looks as 'artistic inspiration'.

After about thirty minutes of this, the tension in the air was so thick that it was almost visible. It seemed that the rest of the band had noticed it too, for Ruki and Kai kept giving one another worried glances and Reita glanced at both of them periodically.

After a moment Ruki stood up and gave me a bow, “Please, excuse us Ivory-san. I think we need to have a band meeting for a quick moment.

I nodded and stood, taking care to bow as well before leaving the studio.

Once I was outside I took care to listen in on the conversation even though I already knew I would be the subject that they spoke about. I hoped that my lateness wouldn't have sparked this much of a problem for everyone.

“Tell us, Uruha-san, what is the matter?” Kai said suddenly, breaking the silence.

When Uruha spoke, he sounded furious, “The photographer, she...something is not right with her.”

I inhaled sharply and edged closer to the door.

“Well, she was late this morning,” Ruki said with a sigh, “I agree that it was unprofessional, but I honestly think it was a mistake, and Sakai said she seemed very apologetic.”
“That may be true.” Uruha continued, “But, I'm not sure about her, something seems off. Like she's hiding something.”

I staggered away from the door, not wanting to hear anymore in spite of myself. I glanced down at myself, then stared down at my hands wondering if he could smell the sickness in my skin.

The voices grew softer and in spite of myself I stepped towards the door again.

“I'll admit,” I heard Kai murmur, “That she does seem a little strange, but I think that that's only because she's a foreigner. What do you think Aoi-san?”

For the first time that entire day I heard Aoi speak and I nearly pressed my ear to the door to hear his quiet voice.

“I think she's fine,” He said softly, “I don't think she means any harm Uruha-san.”

I backed away from the door as I heard someone walk towards the door. When it opened my eyes couldn't help but widen at Aoi's expression.

When he saw me he looked almost...regretful.

“Ivory-san...forgive us. I...we didn't think you would be able to hear us.”

I wondered if my hurt was so easily visible on my face.

“Were you crying?” he asked gently talking a step towards me, I backed away and shook my head.

“No, no.” I said quickly, feeling my cheeks which were strangely damp.

He extended his hand as if he wanted to touch me, but then thought better of it.

“Please, don't take the words to heart, Uruha-san is just...stressed today, the music video was difficult to film for all of us.Why don't you go take a lunch break or something. I'll see you in a few hours okay? We all need to clear our heads, yeah?”

I nodded and turned from him, leaving to go and walk to the station. When I reached the station there was not a single person in sight. Leaning against the wall I wept, staring down at my shaking hands.

They knew.

Link | Leave a comment {5} | Share


Night, the Beloved

Dec. 28th, 2009 | 04:57 pm

Chapter Two – Rest for the Wicked



Who knew
That you'd be up in here looking like you do
You're making staying over here, impossible
Baby, I say your aura is incredible

Don't Stop the Music – Rihanna




That's gorgeous,” I said, adjusting my camera angle to get a better view of Aoi, “You're very photogenic.

He inhaled, making the cigarette tip glow brightly, then blew the smoke in my direction. I smirked and the camera shutter snapped and light flashed wildly.

“Thanks,” he said, inclining his head. After a moment he raised his hand and I lowered my Canon. He strode away from my white backdrop and collapsed into a seat.

“Be careful,” Reita said to me, sliding in front of the white sheet and posing as expertly as a mannequin. “Aoi-san is quite susceptible to flattery.”

I laughed and continued to take pictures of them, “Oh yeah?

Later, at about eleven thirty that night I had finally finished photographing the band that was known as GazettE. I found them to be interesting, and hospitable.

I told the band goodbye, all of them shaking my hand while I tried to bow. Needless to say it resulted in a polite muffled laughter from everyone.

After they had all left I began packing up my things. The band had seemed nice, but Aoi, he seemed to hold some kind of magnetic charm. He was filled with infectious laughter and a gentle smile. Then I shook my head, he didn't seem the type who found nerdy photographers interesting.

“Excuse me miss,” a voice said softly. I jumped, dropping my camera case where it clattered on the floor noisily.
I turned swiftly to see Aoi standing apologetically in the doorway. He rushed to help me pick up the case for my camera and smiled up apologetically at me.

“This is the second time I've made you drop your things, I'm sorry.”

I laughed nervously, “Its alright...I...I was just thinking about you.” Then, I mentally cursed. That...was stupid. Really fucking stupid.

Instead he smiled, surprising me, “Good things I hope, um, I forgot my keys in here.” He pointed to the table where his keys were laying.

I bowed, trying to seem polite. I wanted to make a good impression on him, I wanted him to at least think I was nice enough to be around for the next month.

I continued packing my things as I heard him milling around pointlessly behind me.

Um, can I help you?” I asked

He scratched awkwardly at his nose. “No, uh...can I walk you out?”

I smiled brightly, trying to will myself not to jump up and down at his words, “Yes, yes, please.”

After I finally finished packing my stuff Aoi and I walked out of the photography studio. The air outside was chilly but nice, and it was much less crowded than it had been earlier that morning.

The lights outside were beautiful, painting the sidewalk in green and pink lights and I resisted the urge to whip out my Canon and take a picture.

I watched Aoi out of the corner of my eye, as he lit a cigarette. “Are you taking the subway?” he asked.

I nodded, and he smiled, “Well, uh, be careful okay? And we have practice tomorrow...if you'd like to take pictures.”

He rubbed at the back of his neck, then smiled again, shyly, I thought. We said goodbye and I bowed, causing a tiny snigger to slip out from his lips.

What?” I said, studying his amused look.

“You bow like a man Ivory-san.”

I was completely flustered, “L-like...a man?

He giggled mildly, then bowed to me with his arms stiffly at his sides. “You bow like that. That's how men bow.”

Then, very gently he took my arms and positioned them neatly in front of my legs, closing my fingers. I inhaled sharply when he touched my skin and he glanced up at me strangely, drawing away as quickly as he possibly could.
“There we go.” he said after a moment, “That looks much better.”

Then without a word, he bowed to me and I returned the gesture. He raised his hand in goodbye and turned away from me.

It was about midnight when I finally arrived in my tiny studio apartment, but instead of going to bed I pulled out my camera cords and began to upload photos from the shoot to my Macbook.

The photos uploaded after a few moments and I shifted through them to the pictures of Aoi.

After a while of artistic judgement I decided that Aoi looked best under the black and white filters. I loved how they could make even the most poor ragged creature look like an emperor.

Not that Aoi was poor, or ragged under any circumstances.

As a matter of fact, he would look wonderful in any state under the watchful eye of my camera lens.

Under an artistic perspective Aoi was gorgeous enough to be in any type of light with his soft feminine features and dark eyes.

Then I shook my head. I couldn't think this way. It would never be plausible to imagine him as something more then my model.

I admired my other photography of him and let out a sigh, he was indeed gorgeous.

But, not for the first time, and I was sure not for the last I tore my eyes away from Aoi's pictures.

I then began to focus on my work, editing and smoothing out frames and when I finally looked up at the clock which read two thirty in the morning.

I had only slept five hours the night before. But, as everyone knew, there was no rest for the wicked.

After saving my work, I put my laptop to sleep and began to get ready for bed.





A/N: Please comment :) Also, note that anything that Ivory says that is in italics is being spoken in Japanese.

Link | Leave a comment {5} | Share


Night, the Beloved

Dec. 26th, 2009 | 12:42 pm
location: On my couch
mood: tired tired

Chapter One - Fated Meetings


Just a day,
Just an ordinary day.
Just trying to get by.
Just a boy,
Just an ordinary boy.
But he was looking to the sky...

Ordinary Day – Vanessa Carlton


I was late. I was so so late.
Mentally, I cursed myself as I struggled to reach the studio.
I had no idea why I had taken the deal to leave the comfort of my home in Los Angeles and go to Japan for a month to photograph some band that I had never heard of and I was pretty sure no one would remember in ten years.

It was usually like that, being a semi-successful photographer put me under all sorts of pressure to do things I wasn't very good at...like being on time and communication. The only thing I was any good at was photography.

I rushed through the glass doors of the studio and quickly reached the front desk.
“Name please?” the young receptionist lady asked.

I was relieved that she spoke clear english and I smiled politely at her, “Ivory McNatt.”

She typed noisily at the keyboard and the sound of her nails clicking the keys irritated me. “Oh, here you are, the photographer for the GazettE?”

“Yes,” I said.

She stood and then motioned to a pair of silver chrome doors on my left, “When you enter those doors go up to the stairs on your right and it'll be the first door on your left.”

I bowed to her and gave her my thanks, reciting the directions she gave me mildly under my breath.

As I got halfway up the stairs, unexpectedly a young man came crashing into me, sending me nearly crashing down the stairs.

“Gomen nasai. Daijoubu desu ka?” (I'm sorry, are you alright?) I wailed in Japanese, “I'm very clumsy, please forgive me!”

“Hai,” he said softly, “Its fine, I'm very sorry. I should have been paying attention. I hope I haven't messed up your camera.”

His japanese sounded absolutely beautiful and I was grateful that I could understand his words. He helped me up the steps and we both stopped in front of a large silver door marked with a sign that read 'The GazettE'.

He blinked, “Oh, are you the photographer for us?”

I gave him a confused look, “Us?...Oh, are you part of the band?”

He smiled at me, and bowed, “Yes, I'm Aoi. The guitarist.”

I noticed he was pretty, almost pretty enough to pass for a woman. He had dark olive skin, and deep penetrating eyes, so dark they were almost black. I couldn't help but notice he had sensual lips, while the top lip was very tapered and thin the bottom lip was thick and full giving him a very sweet pouty look.

“This is the part where you tell me your name.” he said softly.

I shook my head, “Forgive me. My name is Ivory.”

“Well, Ivory-san it is a pleasure to have you here.” then, with a final bow he disappeared into the room with his bandmates.

I followed him and was relieved when he introduced me. I bowed as he spoke, “This is Ivory-san, our photographer. I met her on the stairwell earlier.”

The group of boys who all sat doing various things looked up and inclined their heads simultaneously.

“I'm Kai,” one of them said, as he raised a drum stand, then he turned to me and smiled. He had a cute smile, with little dimples.

“My name is Ruki!” another cheerfully said, jumping in front of me and bowing before shaking my hand. His hair was probably the brightest blond I had ever seen “It is a pleasure to meet you.” he said in English but then reverting to Japanese, “I'm the lead singer,”

“My name is Reita,” another said, this time with a strange cloth covering his nose. He smiled and went back to tuning his base without another word to me.

The last male in the group was even more feminine looking than Aoi, and he too like the others gave me a gentle smile as he sipped the last of what looked like a glass of wine. “My name is Uruha, I'm the guitarist.”

I blinked, confused and turned to Aoi, “I thought you were the guitarist?”

He laughed at me, “Hai, I am, Uruha-san is the lead guitar while I'm the rhythm guitarist.”

“Oh,” I said nodding, “I see. Well, forgive me for my lateness, but please continue your activities while I set up.”

And they did, Kai with his drums, Ruki who was trying on sunglasses in the mirror, Reita tuning his bass, and Uruha with his alcohol.

Only Aoi seemed to not have some kind of odd activity to attend to, he only sat in a chair next to Reita watching me carefully, something unreadable in his liquid black eyes.




A/N: Please, be kind, this is my first GazettE fanfiction and I would appreciate reviews and comments, constructive criticism is most welcome. :)

Link | Leave a comment {4} | Share